Sure, you’re great at circle time, a whiz at belly botany and a captivating storyteller. You take on all the challenges of teaching an early childhood class with ease, So why are you so nervous when it’s time for parent-teacher conferences?

Don’t be. Teachers should meet with parents regularly to discuss the child’s progress as well as any problems she may be encountering – and that’s a positive time for all. After all, you and the parent are partners, working together for the child’s academic growth. By discussing the child, you can come up with an action plan that will lead to success.

How can you banish the butterflies and prepare for a positive conference? The best advice is to approach the conference like any other business meeting. Focus not on blame or negativity, but on teamwork. Then follow these steps to make the conference a positive experience for the whole team:

Before the Conference:
• Plan Ahead: Decide what you want to accomplish during your meeting time. Do you want to explain grades, praise growth, or ask for help on a specific area? Know where you want the conversation to go, then assemble a packet that will promote your goals.
• Don’t Be Overwhelming: This isn’t the time to discuss everything. After all, you should be communicating with the parents regularly all year. Instead, choose one or two points to address at conference time. Dr. Shelly Gismondi, assistant professor of education at Washington D.C.’s Trinity College, suggests using notecards to keep track of each child’s accomplishments and areas of concern. Then prioritize the notes and choose the most important to go over during the conference.
• Set the Boundaries: Send a letter home inviting the parent to the conference and clarifying the boundaries of the meeting. Who can attend the meeting? Should the children be there? When will the meeting start, and when will it end?
• Be Accommodating: Make sure you get the parent’s input about the time of the conference, and work around the parent’s schedule if possible. Remember parents are busy, too, so send a reminder of the appointment home as a gentle nudge. Ask if any special accommodations – such as a wheelchair route or interpreter – will be necessary.
• Prepare the Space: If there are multiple classrooms in your school, make sure your name is on your door so parents can find you. Make the room inviting (a “Welcome Parents” sign, perhaps?) and have lots of the kids’ work on display. Set up the area for conversation with parents in mind – meaning, not all big people fit on those little seats. Have a grown-up chair handy! Also consider having the conference at a table, not at your desk, which may make some parents uncomfortable. (Yes, they ARE as nervous as you are!)

During the Conference:
• Remember Who’s The Boss. You may be surprised to learn that, in this case, it’s not you. “Parents can prepare for a conference first and foremost by remembering that THEY are the first and most important advocates for their child,” says Dr. Patricia Pulver, Assistant Professor of Education at Keuka (NY) College.
“Teachers may have responsibility for the academic growth of the children during the school day, but parents KNOW the child,” Pulver says. You may be the teacher, but there’s a lot to learn from the person sitting across the table.
• Take A Positive Attitude. You and the parent are on the same team and working for the child’s best interest. “Use your first conference to launch a partnership that’s going to last through the year,” suggests Laura E. Berk, author of AWAKENING CHILDREN’S MINDS: HOW PARENTS AND TEACHERS CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
• Mind Your Manners. Sounds simple, but putting on your “party manners” and making simple gestures like greeting the parent warmly and offering them a seat will go a long way to build good will. Remember, you’re a role model for this person’s child. Let them see they made the right choice.
• Listen Actively. A conference is a two-way conversation, not a monologue. Don’t monopolize the time. Instead, listen to the parents and respond to concerns and questions.
• Show, Don’t Tell. Parents love to see what their child is doing in the classroom. Put together a folder of the child’s best efforts, along with samples of the type of work that needs improvement. For a special touch, add a greeting from the child. Most parents will treasure the folder – and, perhaps, take it out often to review where work is needed.
• Ask About the Child. Use this time to uncover special interests and talents the student may have. Try to learn more about each of your students to be better prepared to address their challenges and develop their strengths.
• Have a Plan. If the child is experiencing difficulty, discuss the problem with the parent in positive terms. Most will ask how they can help. Be prepared to answer with a plan they can implement at home. Be specific. Most parents are happy to reinforce classroom rules – if they are told how.
• Remember Your Audience. Many parents aren’t versed in the latest educational theories or teaching processes. Speak to them in everyday terms – then listen to their responses to make sure they understood you.
• Be Aware of Time Constraints. Remember that your time is limited – and short. After all, other parents are waiting, and you want to respect their schedules. If you feel it’s necessary, make an appointment for a follow-up meeting.

After the Conference:
• Take Notes. Before your next conference begins, jot down your observations on the child’s note card. Don’t rely on your memory. After all, after twenty or so conferences, things begin to get a bit muddled.
• Follow Up. If a parent had a question, make sure you get the answer to him as soon as possible. Send a note or call. If you have the time, it’s nice to send a thank you to each parent, noting your availability for follow-up conversations.
• Touch Base. With parents who didn’t attend the conferences. Make arrangements for a meeting at time more convenient for them.

With some preparation, you’ll breeze through parent-teacher conferences as easily as you do all other meetings – and with the same success. Just remember that this is actually a partnership between the three of you – parent, teacher, and child. Successfully navigating a parent-teacher conference is a great first step at keeping communications between the partners open, positive and solution-oriented.