As an early childhood educator, you will at some point find yourself dealing with a young person who is experiencing separation anxiety. Although not all children will go through this phase, it is not an uncommon one. And though the child is the one actually expressing the emotions, both the parents and teachers cannot help feeling the stress. In order to successfully maneuver the child through this period, it is necessary for the parents and teachers to work together.

Separation anxiety usually begins to surface around the age of one, and arises when the parent tries to leave the child, who is naturally quite attached to the parent, with someone else. The child usually demonstrates his unhappiness with the situation by throwing tantrums, and crying, which can be very “unsettling” for the unsuspecting parent. Our job as educators at this point is to reassure the parent that what her child is going through is just a phase, and to offer ideas on coping strategies that will help both her and her little one.

Coping Strategies for Parents
Practice Makes Perfect: Introduce new people and places to your child gradually, and practice being apart from each other. Make a few visits to the classroom together before your drop off schedule begins, and when it does begin, start by leaving your child for short periods of time. Gradually increase the time he spends in the classroom without you until you have reached your full schedule. You may find that he adjusts rather quickly.

Be Consistent: When you drop your child off, it is important that you remain calm and follow the same pattern on a daily basis. Give him your full attention, reassure him that you will return “after nap”, or whatever is appropriate for your schedule, and then say goodbye. Some parents also like to get their child settled into an activity before departing. One thing you should definitely avoid is sneaking out. Experts agree that this is one sure way to increase the child’s anxiety level.

Follow Through: It is critical that you return for your child when you say you will. This is the only way he will begin to develop the self-confidence he needs to know that he is capable of “making it through” this time without you. Eventually he will remember that you always return after you leave.

Reassure Yourself: Realize that he will not spend his entire time in tantrum mode. His teacher is used to dealing with these kinds of situations and will handle your child in a loving manner. She will see to it that he is quickly engaged in activity. If it makes you feel better, make arrangements to call the school 15 to 20 minutes after you leave to check in. You will most surely find that your child has calmed down and begun to enjoy himself.

Teaching parents how to handle their child’s separation anxiety is only half the battle. The second half involves helping the child.

Strategies for Educators
Set the Stage: Get off to a good start by sending a welcoming letter to each of your children before school starts. In this letter you will introduce yourself and talk briefly about what kinds of things the child can expect to be doing when he comes to school. In addition, this letter can serve as an invitation to a special classroom visit day prior to the opening of school. Such visits help eliminate the “fear of the unknown”.  I know some teachers who even like to include a photo of themselves and a couple of the classroom in their letters so the child will see a familiar face and surroundings once he gets there. On visitation day, greet each child individually and immediately engage each in conversation by introducing yourself, asking who they are, and who they have “brought with them” (this may be a mom, dad, grandparent, etc.). Open the entire classroom and playground for use, provide a simple snack for the children, and give them a “taste” of what they can expect by setting up a simple activity each child can complete with a parent and take home.

Stick with the Program: Experts agree that children feel much more secure in a situation when they follow a daily routine, which most children adjust to very easily. Write and post a copy of both your daily and weekly schedules. Print off copies of each to send home. Explain classroom routines to the children and be prepared to repeat yourself occasionally as the children adjust.

Establish an Immediate Attention-Getter: Having an activity the children can become involved in as soon as they walk in the door is a wonderful way to distract them from any sad feelings they may be harboring at the thought of mom leaving. Immediate access to a water table or interactive games and toys they do not play with on a regular basis is sure to keep them interested for a short while. Make this area as eye-catching as possible so it will be the first thing they spot when they arrive. Also, it should go without saying that each child should be greeted enthusiastically every day. The child should be made to feel as though the teacher and the other children are happy to see him.

Connect Home and School: Many teachers encourage their youngsters to bring a familiar object with them to school for the first several days, which they can share with the class at circle time. This seems to help the children bridge the gap between home and school, while offering comfort in the realization that home and family have not disappeared. It also helps the children understand that they are not unique, as every other child in the class is away from home for a short time too.

Add Music to the Mix: I know of several teachers who have created special songs they share with teary-eyed children. They have used familiar tunes to develop songs containing phrases like “mommy won’t forget you”, “mommy will be back”, etc. Young children love and respond to music. I have seen songs such as these put an immediate end to tears. Put your own creativity to use and come up with your own version of something similar.

Share Stories: There are many picture books that deal with separation anxiety. Sharing these at story time shows the child that others also share his feelings, and as each has a happy ending, helps him realize that his day will end happily too. Below is a list of a few you might want to try.

Edwards, Becky. My First Day at Nursery School. Bloomsbury USA Children’s Books, NY, 2002.

Rusackas, Francesca. I Love You All Day Long. HarperCollins, NY, 2003.

Thompson, Lauren. Mouse’s First Day of School. Simon & Schuster, NY, 2003.

Penn, Audrey. The Kissing Hand. Tanglewood Press, Inc., IN, 2006.

Viorst, Judith. The Good-Bye Book. Aladdin (Simon & Schuster), NY 1988.

Zalben, Jane Breskin. Don’t Go! Houghton Mifflin, NY 2001.

When parents and teachers make use of these strategies, and they work together, the intensity of separation anxiety will decrease for the child, and all will benefit. Parents will be able to leave their child with a smile and a wave, the child will spend his day happily immersed in active learning, and the teacher can comfortably move forward with her program.

Marie Cecchini is the author of five books and has created award-winning crafts for children. She also writes children’s poetry, as well as articles for parents, teachers, and writers. She can be reached at MarieE2049@sbcglobal.net.