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From: joan
Date: 20 May 1997
Time: 16:09:18
Remote Name: ip18-97.globalink.net
I tried to send this on 4/29 but I do not see it so I will try again. I thought you had very good positive skills. I have a three part response. First, you have an angry child - how and why he got to this state may take a while to discover in the mean time you need to help him develop skills to deal with his anger First you should legitimize that it is okay to feel angry. Everyone gets angry even you. What is not okay is what is been done while we are angry. It is import too for us as care givers to remember that there is a physiological change in our body when we are angry. So all the talking and advice we are doling out during the child angry state is probably not getting through. So lets work on getting some things that we can do when we are angry to dissipate or vent these feelings. Some suggestions: You and the child decide on a word that can be used when he is angry. The sillier the better. Tell him to shout or yell this out when he is angry; have available a pillow available somewhere that can be punched or kicked; Have a big red crayon(not a marker) available to write an angry letter or draw an angry picture. Crayons can be scribbled and pounded on the paper very hard; You may come up with ideas of your own. The next skill he needs to learn how to use words to deal with these feelings. Help him by giving the words he can use like “stop, “please leave me alone” etc. The important lesson that goes hand in hand is that we must listen to his words. If Joe wants Manny’s truck and Manny says no, please leave me alone but Joe takes the truck anyway, and then Manny bops him over the head - words are not very effective. I see so many teachers who will discipline Manny but not talk to Joe about the importance of respecting Manny by listening to his words.
Second, from your descriptions of the bathroom incident this child received an enormous amount of attention and personal time with teacher for a negative behavior. So try to make many attempts each day to catch this child doing something positive and give him some attention and recognition. Go further and try to discover something that interest him or that he is good at doing and have opportunities available for him to excel in a positive way.
Third, I do not know all the detail of working with this child but from what I read perhaps having him take responsibility for his actions in the bathroom by getting a towel and cleaning up after himself might have been sufficient a consequence at this time. Not giving him the expected reaction and all that attention would have taken all his power and control away. Again try to use the time outs sparingly.