It has been my experience, as a childcare provider, that boys (testosterone!) are the most challenging. Often, they misbehave and act wild just being the boys they are, not intending to misbehave. The incidents of harrassing, hitting or disrupting the play of other children, though, is inexcusable. Unfortunately, we, as childcare providers, today, are dealing with children who, in many, many instances "rule the roost" at home -- who have little or no structure, discipline or guidelines at home. Then, they are sent to us to deal with each day. They are the product of weak, lazy and pathetic parenting and we try to figure out what to do with the result of that parenting -- these rowdy, disobedient children. I do not find that stickers work. I also am not a big advocate of using reward as a primary method of gaining cooperation from children. As my grown daughter/math teacher said to me, "In the real world, you are not rewarded for following society's rules. You are punished for breaking rules." We give children a false sense of the reality of life when we say, in word or action, "If you do what I ask, you will get a treat." NO. I teach my daycare children the rules. I make it clear, in a firm voice, that I expect my rules to be followed. When the boys you describe become tired of being put aside and not permitted to play because they are unkind to their playmates, they may realize they need to behave. I don't ask children to behave. I don't cajole. I don't talk ad nauseum to gain cooperation. I state simply: "This is what you did wrong. It is not okay with me. I don't like it. Sit your little bottom here." And I strongly, strongly recommend that you put this problem back in the parents' laps. They create monsters. Call them at work and tell them you expect their cooperation and assistance in dealing with the problem or their children will be sent home for them to figure out what to do with. If your director doesn't allow this, start your own daycare or preschool and choose cooperative children and families. Parents need to be held accountable.
You may try something that has worked GREAT for me. I call the father at work and say, "I need you to speak with your son/daughter," and I explain the problem. I then say, "If this continues, I will ask you to pick up your child from school." Believe me, if parents had to leave work, they would take an interest in helping you to solve the problem! I also make a very big, big deal when the children behave and follow my rules. They know I love them. They know what pleases me. They respect me because I am very firm and loving. They try to be okay with me. Strong leadership, strong personality, consistency and a MAJOR ONE -- continually adding new and varied activities for the children to do makes a HUGE difference in behavior. For example, I recently added built-in (inside) monkey bars for my children and an indoor basketball goal (home daycare basement). They are so engaged in healthy play they seldom need to be corrected. Change their activities frequently and add every variety you can. Despite all, though, don't let them get away with running the show or ruining the play for others. Be tough but loving. (Too many childhood experts encourage lengthy dialogue with children and persuasive tactics. They are children. You are the adult. State concisely, briefly and clearly what they will or will not be permitted to do. If they disobey, they are pulled aside and not permitted to participate in fun activities.) GOOD LUCK!
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