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Date: 12/8/2006 12:12:00 PM
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Author:
Deborah
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Subject:A spanking question
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Many times I have heard moms referring to "a spanking" here and there, but when you read between the lines, I find out that 'spanking' consitutes for quite different things in different peoples houses. For some, it means a small swat on the hiney, and vice versa for some it means going over a lap and using an implement to swat kids bottoms.
I want to ask this question: what does "a spanking" in your house constitute?
In my house, first and foremost 'a spanking' means 'bare bottom.' I will usually pick them up , pull down pants, if they are older they will, and put her over my knee. I spank around 3 or 4 times 'not very hard', only with my bare palm (not a spoon etc).
After I spank, we will hug and make up, of course.
Can you define what a spanking constitutes with your kids, if you do spank? (do you take down pants, put them over your lap or whatever...)
I would love to hear your thoughts on this.
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Date: 12/15/2006 11:54:00 AM
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Author:
meg
(itlw8@hotmail.com)
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Subject:swat
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I do have to admit that when my boys were little ( grown now) I did give them a swat when they got out of control. BUT really it only taught them the bigger person can hit.
In all child abuse trainings I have taken any mark left on the child is considered abuse. and there is no doubt in my mind 3 or 4 swats on a bare hiney would make it VERY red and for quite awhile. And according to regulations as a mandated reporter I would have to report if I saw or heard about such a spanking.
There are plenty of books that can give you better techniques for guideance and disipline. Do a little research I am sure you can find something better. Stop the cycle now.
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Date: 12/19/2006 11:18:00 AM
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Author:
Rudy
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Subject:spanking
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That is the problem with soceity now people do report the swats on the butt and consider it the same as abuse. I am alos a mandated reporter. but in your preschool classroom how do you see a childs butt if there is a red mark?????
I was spanked as a child and never felt abused I actually am thankful my parents cared enough about me to want me to grow up with morals and values. I could go into a restruant or public place with my family and all have an enjoyable time. me nor my brother would have ever thought of runing up and down isles of stores or in restuarnts etc. We had fun. Unfortunately soceity has dictated what parents can and can ot do. I totally agree that using something other than your hand or object is wrong and all abusers should be made accountable but there is a BIG difference in an abuser and giving a swat on the hiney as you call it. Lets consentrate on getting the real abuser and pedophiles that are preying amoung our children. I also it isnot a teachers place to swat children it should be a parent decision and not a school one.
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Date: 1/22/2007 12:09:00 PM
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Author:
Mister Preschool
(misterpreschool@yahoo.ca)
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Subject:Drop your pants, Debbie! You need a spanking.
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I’ve just been reading about men in ECE and I was looking over the other topics and was very happy to find a site that’s such a useful resource. When I clicked on the word “spanking” I was expecting to see the same common sense info I thought everyone was on the same page about, but reading the comments from Deborah and Rudy has been a rather disturbing turn in my day. Rudy, you can thank your parents for raising you with such a low sense of morality that you actually believe the people who hit children are the good guys. You never felt abused because you wouldn’t imagine an alternative. Then there’s the type of woman who goes to a website dedicated to the healthy development of children… to share tips on how to inflict pain! You actually have the nerve to pass judgement on a person who might use a spoon? You just told a community of people who care about children that you make a habit of creating violent, demeaning situations that require you and your child to hug and make up. Don’t you see how sick that is? A parent’s most important job is to protect their kids from scum like you. What a sad sort of failure you are.
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Date: 1/22/2007 6:59:00 PM
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Author:
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Subject:calif. wants to ban spanking
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seriously, no spanking kids under the age three. you could be charged with a misdemeanor and required to attend parenting classes. hey, some kids need a swift swat. one or two times and the child gets the message. (like when they are disrespectful to the parent or the child runs into danger like into the street repeatedly) we have raised a bunch of wimpy parents today that are too busy 'talking' about the misbehavior. parents are not in charge anymore. kids manipulate the situation, what needs a quick 'NO', instead the child gets the attention by 'taking mom and dad in for a chat'. why can't we charge the wimpy parents as the same as the spanking parents. send them all to parenting classes. or, just let parents raise how they feel their child be raised.
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Date: 1/23/2007 6:37:00 AM
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Author:
Rudy
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Subject:spanking
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WOW Your remark doesn't bother me a bit. You don't know me you don't know my family etc. So who are YOU to pass judgement on them or me?????? I don't promote spanking with my classroom and parents. i just think if it is a parents choice then NO one should tell thme otherwise unless it becomes abusive. Which YES spanking and abuse are TWO DIFFERENT things. I know you can't see that but they are.
So before you pass judgement on someone for their opinions think about yours may not be the right thing either. I don't expect anyone to agree with me but I also am not SCUM as you call it just because I have a different opinion from you. So Mister Preschool I did not pass judgement on you for being a male in a preschool classroom. There is too much of that by others. You may be a wonderful teacher.
But it is not my right to judge you no tknowing who you are.
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Date: 1/23/2007 12:00:00 PM
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Author:
Linda Arocho
(t0good@webtv.net)
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Subject:Spanking
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Everyone take a breath - We're all adults and we're all professionals - none of us know each other - I think we can refrain from name calling.
I have total control over all of my own children without having to resort to spanking any of them - Even the little ones. I am able to keep them within the boundaries I set by using natural consequences and some punishments. I always follow through.
Those are the same techniques that I use with my daycare children and again have no trouble within my classroom. That being said, I don't see it my place to tell any parent the absolute right or wrong way to raise their child. I was never spanked a day in my life, but my husband was beaten every single day of his life. He does have issues that stem from it, but he doesn't abuse our children - never has, never will.
There are many parenting techniques that don't work and spanking is one of them. People say that children today are messed up because parent's can't spank them. THAT is not the case. Children are messed up today because parents are more interested in being the child's friend than in being the parent. THAT is the problem.
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Date: 1/23/2007 4:04:00 PM
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Author:
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Subject:california spanking law?
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well said Linda. I'm not advocating spanking, but in my house I use the Biblical approach. One swat for the first kid, the second needed two, my third learned from the first two! no swats ever for him! my boys knew mom was the boss. you are right, too many parents are concerned about being the child's friend, or how other parents will judge them when they do discipline. but, does a state have the right to legislate if parents can or cannot spank? if we do in California legislate spanking, maybe next we can get down to some real business and make up other laws for parents to follow. (like pot smoking in front of the kiddies, or having your toddlers around gang activity, or teaching your kids to help you steal).
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Date: 1/24/2007 6:24:00 AM
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Author:
Rudy
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Subject:spanking
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I agree with you on most of your points. Except you compare abuse to spanking and they are two TOTALLY different things. I was spanked as a child but not or never was abused. Spanking can work maybe not for everyone but like you say it is not anyones right to tell a parents how to discipline their children, unless there is real abuse happening.It sounds like your husband was abused every day of his life. I am so sorry to hear that someone had to go through that. Children are messed up today becasue parents don't do any form of discipline. In restaurants or stores choildren run their parents. The children are the bosses in some families. That is the parents fault for letting that happen. If parents realize how they looked letting a 3 or 4 yr old tell them what to do they may think twice before letting their child have taht control.
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Date: 1/25/2007 9:15:00 PM
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Author:
Mister Preschool
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Subject:re: spanking
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I do realize the motivation for spanking is usually not just to be evil and it cannot be compared to many worse forms of abuse, but it is still abusive. Any action to negatively impact a person's life is abusive no matter what age you are and what age your victim is, no matter what lesson you feel it will teach them. If you believe you have the right to spank kids to teach a lesson, you're nothing more than an entry-level version of the guy from the "Saw" movies (but probably not as cool because who is?) We happen to be talking about children, but it's a very simple rule for interacting with everybody: Just don't hit people. If a waiter gets your order wrong... don't hit him! If someone bumps their shopping cart into yours... don't hit them! If you feel you have a reason to hit another person (and you're not a boxer) you are simply ignorant. Unless, of course, the other person is trying to physically hurt you and then you should just unload everything you've got on them. To really need to use violence against a child you better be dealing with The Bad Seed. That said, I need to clarify my first comment for you, Rudy, because it wasn't you who really upset me and I don't want you to think I go nuts on anyone who doesn't feel the way I feel. What I wrote was in response to what I read from you and Deborah but honestly only the line where I clearly addressed you about not feeling abused was what I wanted to say to you. The rest was for Little Debbie. She's the only person I was describing as "scum" and in response to something I read in one of the comments after mine I'd like to just say that I was not name-calling. She's a person who likes to inflict pain on what many would consider her child's private "bathing suit area" or whatever you want to call a bare bum and I simply used an appropriate word to describe her for what she is, a word which is part of the language (though slang, I guess) and not something I just made up. If she objects to what I said she should either reconsider her own sense of self-worth and learn to love herself for what she is or decide to change. I believe in people and I believe she can work towards becoming something else. There's a million things a person can be, but right now she's scum. I don't need to know her to judge her. She hits children. I don't know the BTK guy, either, but I'm not worried about hurting his feelings.
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Date: 1/26/2007 7:14:00 AM
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Author:
Rudy
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Subject:spanking
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Thanks for your clarification. I do believe their are other ways to discipline besides spanking. I also do not think that a teacher has a right to spank her students. I believe that you try other ways first then if they don't work a swat on the butt is NOT a problem. I totally agree that if someone screws up your order you don't hi them, or runs their shopping cart into yours. But I am not disciplining them they are not my responsibility. I have seen how abuse affects someones lives. I work with at risk children every day. There are those who receive some punishments that we may not feel are appropriate. I have had to report parents. I have alos seen children who call their parents every name in the book and get away with it, or talk back to their parents. So I am not saying spank in all occasions but I will stand on my opinion that an occasional swat when needed is not inappropriate or abusive.
Thanks for you responses.
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Date: 1/25/2007 9:32:00 PM
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Author:
Mister Preschool
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Subject:The Decision to Spank
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There are alternative methods of discipline to spanking. They may be new to you and they may be different than what you grew up with, but they are there. Many parents raise well-behaved kids without spanking. Whether you believe it's harmful or not, spanking is hitting. So if you choose that form of discipline, you are making the decision to hit a child when you know there are other ways to deal with the problem. But the easiest way is The Caveman Way! To spank takes absolutely no skill. All you need to do is realize that the person in front of you isn't doing exactly what you want and just let your animal instincts take over. I'm better than that.
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Date: 1/26/2007 3:15:00 PM
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Author:
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Subject:I totally agree that there are alternati...
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I totally agree that there are alternatives to spanking that are effective, however, how do parents learn these techniques? And Mister Preschool, a good spank does take skill. A quick swat, and consequences for the misbehavior.
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Date: 1/30/2007 11:17:00 AM
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Author:
Linda Arocho
(t0good@webtv.net)
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Subject:spanking and alternatives
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You asked a very good question - how are parents supposed to learn the alternatives to spanking? From other parents? California might be willing to make spanking legal, but what tools will they be giving parents? Will they be offering free parenting classes?
I knew a teen mom who lost custody of her infant because of comments from people. Everywhere she went with her baby (her own family had kicked her out) people would say, "Oh what a fat baby" or "Oh what a chunky baby" or other comments like that. She took that to mean that the baby was over-weight, so she cut back on what she was feeding her child. At the next "well-baby" apt, the doctor turned her in under the charge - infant with the failure to thrive. But who failed in that instance? I'd say her own family who kicked her out and society for not picking up the slack.
In NY, Office of Children and Family Services want to do away with Time Outs because people aren't using them correctly. I say keep the time-outs in place, but teach providers/teachers the right way to issue a time-out.
Discipline is a necessary evil in the world. I try to teach self-discipline and it works - but yes, it's HARD. Maybe that's why spanking is a favorite among parents - it's easy. One swat and it's all over - no redirection - no teaching an alternative to the child - just a swat and a "don't do that again"..there, job done...
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Date: 1/31/2007 6:19:00 AM
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Author:
Rudy
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Subject:spanking
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I can't believe people would say those things about a baby. that is the problem with our soceity weighissues if you aren't a size 0 -4 you are a nobody. Well that is rediculious. Now they even make infants conform to that standard. We definately need to educate parents on the alturnatives for spanking. You can teach self discipline to adults but children need that teaching first they can't self disclipine themselves. I only disagree with one thing you said. One swat and it is all over. There should be redirection, and teaching and explination after the swat. It cna work effectively if it is done correctly.
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