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Date: 7/19/2005 9:37:00 PM
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Author:
desperate mom
(hiawathakid@yahoo.com)
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Subject:My 4 1/2 yrs boy cant control his BM. HELPPP!!
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I have tried everything I've heard of, trying to get him poop in the toilet, from forcing him to wear underwear, to praises, hugs, kisses, prizes, rewards, to scolding, spanking, threats of no TV or toys, and recently let him go naked around the house with only his shirt on. But none of these seemed to work. Even with nothing on him, he would still poop right where he's at, but he would pee in the toilet. He still can't (or won't, I don't know) poop on the toilet unless we nag and scold and drag him there. And even then, he would poop only a few tiny drops and would insist that he's done. He can spend another 30-40 minutes there with nothing more coming out. But as soon as he's in pullups, it would get soiled again. He was always semi-constipated since infancy, ever since he started on solid food. I don't know if he's medically unable to hold his BM, it seems that almost whenever he farts, some thin poop would shoot out from him. I've tried giving him papayas, prune juice, even benefiber, to help soften his stool, but he always hold his BM for days. He can't poop regularly, his pullups are always soiled with some poop, 5 times a day, everyday, until the day the BIG poop come out, then his pullups would be 'clean' for approximately 2 days, before the cycle starts again. Please help. The problem has caused huge arguments between my husband & me. My son is now terrified when he thinks we call him to check on his diaper. He knows we would find poop in it and that he would be yelled at. The yelling is really our last resort, we have tried to talk to him calmly and supportingly but this has been going on for years now! He would even make excuses, saying he's sleepy just so he can wear his pullup (we only alow him to wear one when we go out and at bedtime). He can't join swimming lesson because of this problem, but most of all, I'm worried about him. His pediatrician said it's normal, that kids have their own pace with potty train. Do you agree?
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Date: 7/22/2005 8:32:00 AM
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Author:
Brenna
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Subject:I agree that they have their own pace. ...
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I agree that they have their own pace. Especially boys. It seems they always take longer to train than girls. I know someone going through the same thing. I told her to make him throw the pull up away, wipe himself down and get a new pull up or underwear. That way, he's cleaning up his own mess, and maybe he'll get sick of it, or grossed out by it. Especially if it's messy. That was recently, I haven't heard the progress yet. Try it though, what can you lose? Is he in school? Does he know his classmates use the tiolet? I don't know, hope I could help.
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Date: 11/21/2006 12:02:00 PM
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Author:
Tamsin
(tamsindownton@btinternet.com)
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Subject:i know where you are all coming from!
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I have a delightful 6 1/2 year old who is constantly staining or pooping his pants. He can do it anywhere....school, sports clubs, at home...we can be sat reading a story in his bedroom, right nextdoor to the bathroom but still it won't make any difference. He can do it in his p.j's, pants, whatever he has on. I have tried everything for long lenghts of time and nothing seems to work. At the moment he has pocket money if his pants are clean at the end of the day, if they are dirty he has to sort them out himself. He doesn't care! He won't say if he has soiled himself but also isn't too worried if other children find out. Cain has ADHD with Aspergers Syndrome, apparently it is quite normal espically for children with these conditions but it really doesn't help me! I am up for trying anything suggested...........
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Date: 11/29/2005 6:07:00 AM
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Author:
MR. Current
(Currentvoyager@rock.com)
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Subject:you son
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some kids at his age dom=nt what to geve up on ther diapers so thay will do all thay can to say in thim. but most the time the do lear.but by being mean about it you can push him away for good. or you will get him to but he will all wes want to were the his hole lif. and liter in his life he will go be hind you back and were them withe out you knowing.
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Date: 3/1/2006 9:10:00 AM
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Author:
Connie Last
(bbincanada@yahoo.com)
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Subject:Toilet training ataged 4 and over
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Just read your post here. We have 4 boys and have gone through a few soiling problems.
The problem you describe sounds just like we went through when our second son was age 5. As there may be many causes, I suggest you discuss his problem with your childs Doctor, or Doctor Scott for advise. His public question & answers email is doctorscotts@yahoo.com He also has a web page.
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Date: 7/27/2005 4:53:00 PM
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Author:
TCorlew
(shelbygirl61@hotmail.com)
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Subject:I know someone who was going through som...
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I know someone who was going through something similar to you. The child was in underwear at preschool but would come home and put a pullup on to have his BM. The parents tried to talk the child into doing it in the toilet, but after a week or two of this going on they threw all the pullups away and the child had no choice but to have the BM in his underwear or in the toilet. The child held out for a couple of days and then one day at preschool he ran to the bathroom and did it! He did not have any issues with it after. I think that he was just nervous.
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Date: 8/18/2005 7:18:00 PM
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Author:
Terri
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Subject:too old for diapers
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A pull up is a form of diaper...call it what you want! Four years old is too old for diapers, whether they pin on, tape on, or have elastic wiast. It is still a diaper.
Before the massive marketing of various forms of diapers children did not extend baby habits into kindergarten!
Take away the pull up/diaper. It is a silent message that he is safe to poop in those.
Take it away...let him suffer the consequnces and discomfort of poop in the pants , and watch how quickly he behaves as a prekindergartner should.
I would also eliminate any bribes, discussions, and coercion about using the toilet. He is too old to be needing that too. Ignore him on this issue, and he will find other ways to get your attention.
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Date: 9/19/2007 9:55:00 AM
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Author:
CIndy
(mckinnoncindy@hotmail.com)
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Subject:take away pullups..
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this is all well and good except, if the child is afraid to have the BM on the toilet whe will continue to hold it to the point of painful constipation leading to enema laxative etc.... once again reaffirming his fears of pooping on the toilet!
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Date: 10/30/2005 9:00:00 PM
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Author:
Brenda
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Subject:Im the mother of 6 young children and ou...
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I'm the mother of 6 young children and out of the 6, only 2 became toilet trained at a reasonable age, the other 4 were nightmares! When you raise multiple children and often have 2 and 3 in diapers at the same time, disposable diapers just aren't an option, so in our house it was always diapers (cloth), rubber pants, and safety pins.
The best i did at toilet training was our oldest daughter, who got out of diapers at the age of 2-1/2 years. The rest of our kids weren't out of diapers till they were between 3 and 4-1/2 years of age, and that was daytime! 3 out of the 6 required night-time diapers (double fold cloth diapers with rubber pants) till 5 years of age.
But they do eventually toilet train, so don't fret the small stuff.
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Date: 1/8/2006 10:05:00 AM
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Author:
stressed out mom
(cduden@osagecon.missouri.org)
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Subject:8 year old poops pants
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I have an 8 year old son that still poops in his pants every day. Nothing seems to work. I have grounded him from playing with his friends to watching tv. I have just recently stripped his room of all his toys, tv, gamecube, and even his posters hanging on the wall. The only thing he has in his room is his bed and his clothes. He knows when he has to go so I don't know if he is just lazy and doesn't want to go or what. He also gets constipated alot and have been giving him mineral oil. He has been to the ER a couple of times to get an enima done. I don't know why he chooses to go in his pants instead of in the toilet. He even comes home from school with poop in his pants. I don't know if he just likes to be that way or what. I'm tired of cleaning up my house after it all and its getting all in the carpet. I have yelled and screamed at him and punished him but nothing seems to work. He will be 9 years old in 3 months. I am getting stressed out I don't know what else to do. If anyone has any suggestions please let me know.
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Date: 1/9/2006 10:48:00 AM
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Author:
Susan
(A)
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Subject:If you have ruled out medical issues, th...
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If you have ruled out medical issues, there may be something else going on. Speak to his teachers and ask your pediatrician for a recommendation. A healthy 9 year old wouldn't chose the humiliation of that situation due to simple laziness.
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Date: 2/20/2006 6:58:00 PM
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Author:
Ally
(Ahstreeter02@msn.com)
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Subject:Pooping problem
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Im sure this isnt going to make you feel any better, my 11 1/2 year old son is still pooping his pants daily. Like you, Iv done every type of punishment there is. Iv also taken him to 3 different doctors. (Pediatric Gastroligist) and there is nothing medically wrong with him. He was potty trained at 2 years old and had no problems for about 6 months. after that its been pure Hell.( excuse my language, but thats how I feel) if you have found any help, please let me know. thanks
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Date: 8/8/2006 7:06:00 PM
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Author:
Christine
(Christine_Kan97@hotmail.com)
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Subject:My daughter will be 8 this October.. and...
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My daughter will be 8 this October.. and she has been having a pooping problem for some time now I have talked to the doctors about it but they only tell me it will pass, it has been going on since she was about 4 or 5, I have done everything to disaplin her for doing it but nothing seems to work.. I am going crazy I just don't know what to do anymore she is going into the third garde, I if you would like to talk please e-mail me @ Christine_Kan97@hotmail.com
Thank you,
Christine
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Date: 8/16/2006 7:45:00 PM
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Author:
Elizabeth Dyle
(christmasliz2002@yahoo.com)
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Subject:Pooping in pants
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Hi I am looking all over the net for anyone who has the same problems I am having with my 8 year old son.
I think I may be able to help.
It was not only my son but my 4 year old niece as well who was leaking per say in their underwear.
They were not actually having a bowel movement just what looked like they didnt wipe them selves well.
I got mad did the punishment thing nothing worked
My niece is a diebetic and if her Dr had not thought of this we never would have known.
They tested her for Celiac disease.
It is hereditery and is carried on my husbands side of the family
We never knew because non of my husbands family ever showed signs(my 2 brother in laws)
Come to find out that all of there children have it in some form or another as well as my 2 children.
In some it is diahrea in others constipation it veries
But it can be controlled through diet
They can not eat any gluten products
No Breads, Cereal, things of that nature
I never would have known if not for the 1 Dr's smart thinking
I have been to several who told me nothing was wrong and gave us Miralax and other things to try and help my son.
We havent had a problem since the diagnosis of Celiac Disease
Hope this helps
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Date: 10/12/2006 7:01:00 AM
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Author:
Christie
(czalinsky@yahoo.com)
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Subject:Soiling in pants
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WOW!!!! I never knew this was such a huge problem. I have a 7 year old boy(twin) that does everything everyone has described. I've done all the same things with no result. I thought it had stoped but I found out he was just hidding it. My doctor has also said it will pass, but like everyone else it has not. I thought maybe i was a bad parent or doing something wrong. But I guess not. He is ADD And sees the doctor every 3 months so Apparently he is missing something.
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Date: 10/30/2006 1:15:00 PM
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Author:
Ian Ray
(ianray1771@hotmail.com)
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Subject:Pooping Problem
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My 7.5 year old son is soiling his pants five or more times a day. If you have found an answer to this most frustrating problem, Can you please e-mail me back with what has worked for you. Thank you, Ian Ray
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Date: 10/30/2006 1:24:00 PM
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Author:
Ian Ray
(ianray1771@hotmail.com)
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Subject:pooping
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Your article explains us exactly! We have tried punishment,
reward, and doing nothing. All has failed. If you find any answers to this frustrating problem, Please e-mail me your findings. Thank you, Ian Ray
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Date: 12/18/2006 5:57:00 PM
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Author:
Chloe MacKay
(jonahhomeschool@hotmail.com)
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Subject:poopy in pants
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My middle child is almost five and still goes in his undies, never had this prob with my eldest son. I have celiac disease and suspect the same in all my children. Allergies and intolerances to food effect children and adults alike. My eldest has aspergers syndrome and my youngest and middle dont grow. My suggestion is get teasted for allergies!!! A little bit of gluton in an undiagnosed individual can cause autism, manic depression and shiztophrenia(did I spell that right?)mood disorders outbursts panick attacks. I know Iv been there!! Have taken all my boys(including my hubby) off gluton and it made a differnce. Only will get better!!!
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Date: 6/13/2007 9:31:00 AM
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Author:
Similar to you
(SBBG70@aol.com)
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Subject:*8year old
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I feel the same way you do and have just started the reseach. My son has done it for the past year and half. I don't know what to do either. I just read an article on stool withholding. I am still not sure if my son is not wanting to wipe or mesing in his pants. His friends are telling their Moms that he smells. my prayers are with you
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Date: 7/6/2007 7:27:00 PM
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Author:
Dotty
(dj.alexander@verizon.net)
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Subject:8 year old soiling pants
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Hi,
My son was diagnosed with encopresis (spelling) when he was 9. He always had trouble with eliminating becoming constipated very easily. It wasn't until we changed pediatricians who actually diagnosed him with this common (sort of) medical issue. What happens is that when children become constipated, the sphincter muscle looses its ability to send a message to the brain that they need to eliminate -- which actually makes the constipation worse. They become "blocked" in essence and begin to "leak" or stain their . After many months of watching his diet (enough fiber, water and yes, mineral oil) we were able to 'clean out' his system. Talk to your pediatrician about this particular issue....encopresis.
Hope this helps.
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Date: 2/20/2006 7:06:00 PM
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Author:
Ally
(Ahstreeter02@msn.com)
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Subject:I strongly dis agree. Iv been going thro...
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I strongly dis agree. Iv been going through this for years. The doctors say theres nothing wrong.
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Date: 2/21/2006 12:59:00 PM
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Author:
Vincent
(Currentvoyager@rock.com)
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Subject:Forum: Parenting Thread: My 4 1/2 yr...
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Forum: Parenting
Thread: My 4 1/2 yrs boy still make BM in his pull-ups. HELP!
Author: Ally
Subject: pooping problem
the one how sint this out to you all put the wrong email and i have got the RE: from the ones that were tring to help. my email is currentvoyager@rock.com spot sand me this email about this thing caus it is not the right one. thank you.
but to help this out did you evey think to ask y he is doing it in a nice way. he may tall you or not know him salf. but to push him will not help any thing but to push him a way even more.
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Date: 2/22/2006 6:13:00 AM
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Author:
Rudy
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Subject:11 1/2 yr old
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If you have a n 11 1/2 yr old still pooping in his pants daily and nothing is medically wrong with him. Then there could be some other problem. this is not normal. It can be a sign of some kind of abuse when someone that old is doing that still. Please get this child help. THere is something wrong.
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Date: 2/22/2006 9:54:00 AM
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Author:
AJ
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Subject:MY LITTLE GUY IS STILL STAIN........................
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My son is so grown up in so many ways.But in one, very important one he is not.he lives with mom during the week and me (dad) weekends, summers,etc. We def get our time in. he is comfortable here. Ive had the house since he was four. Hes nine now. His mom thinks that him heavlily staining his inderwear isnt much of a prob until i told her the whole deal.yeah like how i buy him some every weekend!! he ruins them, leaves them in the hamper, after I tell him" Dont throw any in here, no undies". becasue he "hides" them with the other clothes. hes good like that. But he cant seem to stop this cycle. he was easoer when he was 2 for me!!! She has tried in her way, me mine, to no avail. he sits ther, i smell him, the whole cycle starts over.Mom Is a CNA and the poop dosnt seem to bother her as much..Bless her, right...Im so tired of sitting there, then smelling him and yelling (becasue its been going on for years) at him and he does not "smell it". How can a big boy, not smell crap aroming all around him? I cannot trust him to go anywhere, with me. I get paranoid if we are at Walmart for goodness sakes. Help. Does anyone have any answers? Tired Dad
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Date: 2/27/2006 2:14:00 PM
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Author:
AJ
(bbincanada@yahoo.com)
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Subject:Spoiling at 11
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Tired Dad:
When a older child soils it is never pleasent. I can tell you that your not alone witht his problem. Our oldest boy fits what you discribe in every respect.
I found excellent information from doctor scotts web page and his public email.
What our son had was called encopresis ( which is a functional type of constipation )... Children with this condition have no control over soiling as lumps of sttol break away and are passed into the underware.
Here is a public question and answers email address for Dr. Scott.. Give it a try doctorscotts@yahoo.com We had great success in a cure.
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Date: 11/7/2006 9:27:00 AM
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Author:
pam corbin
(www.pam_corbin@vwr.com)
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Subject:soiling
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hi
my 5 yr daughter was potty trained then she got
real constipation from too much milk. after that
she keep soiling her pants for 2 days then she will
go in the potty over and over i will ask her why
she will tell me it just come out i hope you can help
me i had too much of this i have tried rewards and
everything i can think of
please help
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Date: 2/26/2007 1:08:00 PM
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Author:
Paula Jones-Johnson
(pjonesjohnson@detlakes.k12.mn.us)
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Subject:9 year old male soiling & 9 year old wetting daily at school
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Hi,
i tried getting to doctorscotts@yahoo.com and I found this site. I could not get to his or her site. I am a school social worker and I am having a tough time trying to help a couple kids at school. The parents have brought the kids to doctors but nothing seems to be helping. They still are messing their pants each day.
I am open for suggestions.
Thanks, PJ
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Date: 3/18/2006 12:56:00 PM
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Author:
roheela from norway
(bbincanada@yahoo.com)
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Subject:my son still poops in his pants
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my son is 7 years old n he is everything you dicribed about your son and i,am really fed up with it with my son it started when i potty trained him when he was 3 and a half years old he was ok for atleast 3 months then the nightmare started n been like that till this very day i have been to all the doctors but they just say that he is constapated but i don,nt understand if some1 is constapated then he should,nt do it in plz someone help me if you know anything thank you
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Date: 6/5/2006 2:46:00 PM
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Author:
connie
(bbincanada@yahoo.com)
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Subject:your son of 7
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It would be suggestive that your son has what is called encopresis. Encopresis is what is known as functional constipation. Meaning... there is a hard stool mass formed in the bowel. Feces begin to pass by this mass and then pieces of it break away during your childs active hours.
Your child has no feeling or control over this and will probably not ackowledge to anyone this is what happends.
Our son went through this to almost 3 years. Here is a e-mail address for doctor scott who has public question and answers. doctorscotts@yahoo.com Give him a try,the condition is not hard to cure.
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Date: 8/22/2006 1:20:00 PM
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Author:
erin perkins
(coleerinperkins@comcast.net)
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Subject:soiling pants
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Hi there!
I just read your post regarding your son still soiling his pants and everything you described is my son Samuel who will be 8 in just a couple months. I am feeling completely devasted by this & I am not making it any easier for my son. Obviously this is a huge power struggle & I have no direction on what to do from here. I'm wondering if you have much help or support and if any advice that has been given to you has worked. I hope to hear from you soon! I have just also read of Celiac Disease in which i will be having my son checked for. This is where he will not be allowed any glutens period...cereal, bread. Apparently it has helped another family finally stop the cycle! Might be a possibility for your child. It is most likely heridity.
Thankyou,
Erin Perkins
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Date: 10/19/2006 5:31:00 PM
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Author:
jack
(derekk@amethyst.epals.com)
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Subject:to tired dad
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Its simple put him in huggies size 6 Dipers And relly duck tape it around so he cant take them off and tack all the cuting things away and luck them up, so he cand tske them off. If he does Put them back on and so on!!!!
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Date: 2/22/2006 6:22:00 PM
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Author:
Vincent
(Currentvoyager@rock.com)
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Subject:AJ well it may be that he is so yous to...
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AJ
well it may be that he is so yous to it by know that he can not smell it any more. have you talk to him about it.have you seen a DR about it. like y he is doing it. not when you upsate but like just one on one. he but you sould talking to him to. you never know he my like to do it. you dont know some kid like that thing. he my even wont to go back to diapers, you never know. but if you keep geting mad gat him with out find out first then you well nevey know.
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Date: 3/18/2006 2:24:00 PM
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Author:
Narelle
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Subject:food additives
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I recently attended a seminar on food additives and how they affect childen and the topic of "Sneaky Poos" came up - where many parents are faced with the problem of older children soiling their pants for no apparent reason other than it just snuck up on them and sliped out!... ( i wish i could remember the name of the book for you) Its not just the additives and preservitives in junk food that affect children - one of the worst culpraites is BREAD!(bagged variety from the suppermarket - fresh bakery bread is less likly to have preservitive 282?) and even some fruits that have been sprayed and injected to extend shelf life - try doing some resherch into diet items you think are quite innercent but are not. good luck
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Date: 4/17/2006 2:54:00 PM
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Author:
mosquito
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Subject:sneaky poos
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After reading Narelle's post - i looked up sneaky poos on vivisimo (search engine) and found this website....
www.fedupwithfoodadditives.info/factsheets/Factsneakypoos.htm
Good luck - I hope it helps!!!
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Date: 4/14/2006 9:45:00 PM
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Author:
joe
(wilsjoe@yahoo.com)
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Subject:Our 5 year old poops his pants during th...
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Our 5 year old poops his pants during the day and pees his pants at night. My wife says this normal?
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Date: 4/17/2006 8:41:00 AM
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Author:
Rudy
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Subject:5yr old
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It is not normal for a 5yr old to do that unless there is a physical problem. What is happening when he poops in his pants? Is he just not taking time to leave what he is doing to go? There can be consequences. That is ok as long at there is not a physical problem.
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Date: 5/6/2006 12:29:00 PM
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Author:
Francoise
(N8VNewYorker@aol.com)
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Subject:8 year old daughter still pooping her pants
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I am having a major problem!! My daughter just turned 8 in April and still is pooping in her pants. She was potty trained by 2 and has never had a urine accident. Last night I took her to see a movie, and out of nowhere I could smell the odor of feces...This afternoon we were at a store and she said she needed to use the bathroom...well she did not make it on time, she ended up pooping on herself and it all fell down her leg and onto to the floor, we ran out of there quickly...I don't know what else to do...we have taken her to doctors and they said she was fine she just did not want to stop what she was doing...She is also in therapy because of the pooping issue and divorce (her father and I are divorced and I am re married to a man that adores her and she adores). I try the "sit on the toilet routine" but it still is not helping....I try talking, pleading, taking away her favorite things...but NOTHING IS WORKING! We tried explaining to her how un-healthy feces is, what it is, and how sick it can make her...At times she gets rashes that make me want to cry!!! We also told her how everyone can smell it on her, and most of all how if a kid smells it on her in school they are going to make fun of her...but it is not fazing her. Please give me some suggestions!! I am willing to try anything at this point. Thanks so much for your time, and I will be awaiting you reply! All my best, Francoise.
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Date: 8/10/2006 5:53:00 AM
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Author:
P
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Subject: I hear alot of people with 8 - 11 year...
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I hear alot of people with 8 - 11 year olds talking about disaplining their child. at that age maybe you can try a reward if they keep themselves clean.
Like put up a chart and tell them, if you keep yourself clean for 1 week, we will go to a ball game, or movies or something. I think that at that age, its more a way to get attention even negative attention. So reverse it and give them the attention they need when they use the bathroom.
Look into his personal lives, is there a divorce going on? did he move to a new school? new baby in the family? did you recently move? these all can cause them to want that attention. If they see they get noticed only if they poop in their pants, thats what they will do.
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Date: 9/4/2006 8:26:00 PM
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Author:
AC
(abbiekj@yahoo.com)
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Subject:7 yr old boy still pooping in pants...
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My nephew is 7 years old and still poops in his pants. Supposivly, he does not realize it. My mother and sister don't do anything about it, they just lecture him for a second, and then clean it all up and let him go play again. It seems he does it when he's playing outside, or on the computer, but just doesn't want to interupt his play to go to the bathroom. The thing is, he doesn't do it in school. And, when he does poop, he'll sit there with his hands in his pants getting it on his hands and then touching things, smearing it. It's quite discusting. Obviously, if he has his hands in his pants, he knows what he has done, and he STILL won't do anything about it! He just lets it sit there until someone tells him to get into the shower. When he is getting watched by my other sister, he doesn't do it either, because she punishes in a way. So like I said, he must know that he's doing it.
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Date: 9/9/2006 3:36:00 PM
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Author:
Alison
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Subject:Good progress on BM with four year old
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Just thought I would add some positive progress. My daughter is 4 1/2 and has had problems with doing BMs not in her nappy always. There is nothing wrong with her - just fear. I was advised by the doctor that this is a long process. First he told me she has to make friends with the toilet - make the room fun, and put absolutely no pressure on her. Six months along and real progress made. I backed off any pressure. The room with the toilet became more friendly. She always did BMs either in anppy, or when I had got rid of them earlier, in her underpants, always standing up. I tried to encourage her not to do it in her underwear but she could still stand up. So she stood, after the bath, with nothing on and still standing up. I gently placed the potty nearby. Meanwhile I added prunes and lactalose to her diet. This has taken a long time but real progress. She now starts standing up and then will sit down. This real fear is a nightmare for us all but slowly with very little pressure, only gentle praise for achieving, has been the way. Hope this helps.
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Date: 9/13/2006 1:52:00 PM
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Author:
Lillie Neal
(wyvern43@earthlink.net)
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Subject:my 12 year old son poops in his pants
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hello,
I need advice (:
I have a 12 year old son who I'm homeschooling- the year before last in March,the principal of his school called & told me that the problem had persisted & asked me & my husband to take him out of school until the issue was resolved.
My son started pooping in his pants when he was between 7 & 8 years old.We took him to the Dr last year & they told us that there supposively wasn't anything wrong with him physically & that got me to wondering about his mental/emotional well being.My husband isn't his birthfather & my son found this out about the same time he started doing the issue.My ex & I were never married & seperated when he was 2 due to abuse to me & our son- the abuse to me was one thing but when he started abusing him,I said enough was enough & told him to get out of our lives.5 years later when my son is 7,he sends his girlfriend/wife to our home to lie to me saying that she was someone that was looking to reconnect with old friends from our highschool- she didn't look familiar to me but it had been years since I had seen anyone that I went to school with so I started calling off names of people that I did know & when I got to my ex's name,she acted kinda peculiar.I didn't find out why until the next day when I got an email from her with his last name attached to her first name.I emailed her back & said "do not email me anymore & don't show up at my house- you are a liar" & she tried to lie again after that saying that she took that last name to escape an abusive ex husband.I didn't believe that either & the next email I got was from him.We ended up going to court twice- first to prove/establish paternity & next for the visitation. He was granted visitation against my wishes- after I told the judge & lawyers what all we endured when we were with him,they let him back in my sons life.He was supposed to get him for visitation every other week but during the first 2 years only had him abt 7 times if even that.And each time he would have him,either he would call saying he was bringing him home because he couldn't handle him or my son would call crying wanting to come home because he didn't like how he was being treated by my ex & his wife/girlfriend.And then almost 3 years ago,we had to relocate because of my husbands job.My ex was supposed to have came down & got him for Spring Break that year & he didn't.He claimed that he had been down in the area & couldn't find the place & that I had given him wrong directions- more excuses...I even agreed to allow him more time to come down & he never has.We haven't heard anything from him since the first part of March of 2004- no phone calls,no gifts or cards on my sons birthday or nothing.I'm not worried about it too much because I know that he has had a wonderful father figure in his life for the past 10 years- pretty much all of his life but I'm concerned with HIS feelings about the issue.Could this be the reason for him pooping in his pants or could there be another reason? He has never been sexually abused or anything like that because he would tell me if anyone was doing that sort of thing to him & noone is abusing him here at home.He gets grounded mostly but it's usually when he misbehaves- we don't punish him for pooping in his pants because if it is some sort of medical reason,we'd feel even more terrible.
He has a younger sister from my husband but she doesn't have the same problem.He is jealous of her & I think that finding out that my husband wasn't his father (thanks state of Texas)didn't help the jealousy part either.He fights with her & says that he thinks we love her more but we never show favoritism-we love them both unconditionally & equally.I explain to him that yes,we treat her differently on some things because she's a girl & she's younger.I tell him that we expect more from him because he's the oldest.This is my son,my little boy & I love him with all my heart.I just want to find out why he's doing this or find a way to get him to sto
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Date: 1/24/2007 6:16:00 PM
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Author:
Steve O
(steve@soprey.freeserve.co.uk)
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Subject:12 yr old boy soiling himself
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I can imagine that you are at your wits end Lillie, if you're son is still having this problem then feel free to chat via email at any time. His problem is very common and can easily be rectified. Take time to talk with him, do things together which doesn't involve other members of the family, give him quality time with you his mother, lots of reassurance is needed. Set a few hours aside each week for him only as he feels unwanted in some respect. He gets attention when he is dirty, but really he is crying out for love (even if he gets it, he probably has to share it with other family members) DON'T make a big issue about his soiling. It has been a few months since you put the post up so maybe the problem has been sorted out favourably - if not, feel free to email at any time. I've work with children for over 20 years and am Ph.d qualified in developmental psychology.
Your son's problem is a common one that can be rectified with positive results.
Take care.
Dr.Steve O P.Dip (Psychol)
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Date: 9/20/2006 9:28:00 PM
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Author:
Patti
(ptrcmrz@aol.com)
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Subject:Grandson, 8 has this problem.
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After reading all of these posts, I'm not nearly as worried as I was. It seems to me that punishment is not the way to handle this. It looks like it is more a boy thing than a girl thing. There seemes to be patterns here that lead me to believe it isn't as abnormal as we think. The reason we are so devastated is that it is poop and it is nasty. My grandson also wets the bed some nights. According to the research I've done and after reading these boards, these two problems seem to go hand in hand. I am going to insist my daughter take him to the doctor. I am going to try the reward system with him rather than punishment, and talking to him as a young adult. He seems to have a BM at the same time every day and it is after school and often while he's outside, so it appears he's being lazy, but I'm thinking the excercise might be prompting it. As to the bed wetting, I make him go right before he goes to sleep and if I'm up late, I've woken him to get up and go, but we don't make an issue of the bed wetting. It has let up some. Also, I've noticed when there is more stress in the home is when his episodes are more often.
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Date: 9/21/2006 6:42:00 PM
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Author:
aunt
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Subject:pooping in pants
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my nephew does the same thing as many other young boys and that is poop in his pants -- it doesn't bother him - he acts like it never happened and just continues to play - in my opinion, it all stems from three things
1. he's afraid he's going to miss something if he goes to the bathroom (i.e. part of movie, game, etc)
2. laziness
3. his mother doesn't remind him to go, even though he clearly needs to be reminded regularly -- when he is with other people we make sure that he goes to the bathroom before we get in the car, at bedtime, and as soon as he wakes up in the morning, in addition to after meals --
it's almost preposterous that we have to continuously insist (and he fights about it) with a child of his age to go to the bathroom instead of crap his pants (rarely pees them), but he appears to be at about a 2 year old level in this department alone
I believe that he gets a certain amount of attention for this behavior and therefore continues it (children don't care wether it's negative or positive) I don't feel that their is anything physically wrong with him, due to the fact that this is the only sympton -- sometimes he complains of a stomach ache and we have to tell him to go to the bathroom -- we have to keep reminding him that's what it feels like when you need to go poop---as soon as he goes to the bathroom he feels fine!
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Date: 9/24/2006 5:32:00 PM
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Author:
Rebecca
(jacobys@charter.net)
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Subject:8 year old daughter with pooping problems
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Thank you to all of you who have shared your stories. My daughter's is similar. She has no emotional stressers that I can think of. We have tried the discipline method, (grounding, taking away privileges, etc.) the reward method (calendar, daily stickers, weekly rewards, etc.) After reading all of your feedback, I think I will try fiber supplements. That is the closest advice to what the doctor told me 4 years ago. Let's hope for the best.
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Date: 9/28/2006 8:38:00 PM
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Author:
Worried Dad
(jbaker@tbn.org)
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Subject:8 yr old daughter sporadic pooping
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I am relieved to know I am not the only one with this problem. My 8yr old daughter goes through short periods of pooping in her pants. It may be once in a few months or 14 days in a row as was the last time. She was potty trained around 3 years old and never really had a problem until about age 6. She is a very bright happy child that is involved in swimming and soccer with no known "stressors" that trigger it. It is upsetting but I can sort of understand the occasional accident while out playing due to not wanting to break from the fun. However when the multiple day events happen she usually does it at home when access to the toilet is available. The disturbing thing now is that she will wear the soiled garment to bed and then school the next day until discovered at bath time. She makes no effort to change when this happens. My wife and I have tried everything from punishment, pleading, ignoring, rewarding, crying but nothing gets through. It will just stop only to reappear months later. Very frustrating.
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Date: 10/1/2006 9:14:00 PM
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Author:
sarah jane
(s.mcalinden@hotmail.com)
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Subject:poops
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my nephew is nearly five and he poops his pants then smears it over walls or in his closet or wherever he can find. i have told my brother that this isnt right and that there is a reason he would do something lke this, but his wife has convinced him that it is normal and he does it cuse he doesnt wamt to miss out on whatever is going on. he will just drop his pants and wee or poo, then his mum will tell my brother that it was the dog. so he really doesnt know the extent of how many times he does it, he was in my jacuzzi when i first got it for half an hour on his own while we were all sitting in the garden and he pooped and squashed it all up playing with it. coul you give me some idea of what makes a child do this, i understand they have accidents but not to drop his pants poo on the floor and smear it all over, he once climbed on the shelf in his closet and pooped and smeared it over the walls. we need some advice please.
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Date: 10/23/2006 1:47:00 PM
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Author:
Kelly
(mrtsgrl44@optonline.net)
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Subject:My 3 year old son smears poop all over his room
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I am a mother of three kids. Daughter 10 daughter 5 and a 3 year old boy. He has been doing great with potty training, wears underwear at home, pull-up to nursery school and a "good-nights" pull up to bed at night. He still takes afternoon naps and whenever he goes in, he will poop in his pants and then smear it all over the floor as if hes finger painting. He also likes to run his trains through it as well. Today he smeared it on the walls. I was just wondering if this is something normal in 3 year old boys (my girls NEVER did this) or is he lacking something in his diet? He doesnt eat the feces though (TG)
any info ont his subject would be appreciated.
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Date: 12/22/2006 8:35:00 AM
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Author:
Emily
(elvslvr@hotmail.com)
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Subject:poopy baby
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I think he needs to be scolded, sounds spoiled and bratty.
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Date: 1/26/2007 5:27:00 AM
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Author:
Steve O
(steve@soprey.freeserve.co.uk)
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Subject:Smearing
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Smearing is very common amongst Autistic children, or children on the ASD scale. It is more about the texture and feel that gives him pleasure. You need to find a substitute material that gives the same texture feeling. Try a pot of childrens play slime which he can run through his fingers, squeeze and rub, alternatively set up an activity area for him to play in with the use of soft clay. Once he has satisfied his need he will forget about smearing his poo.
Try it, you might just be surprised at the result.
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Date: 12/4/2006 12:59:00 PM
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Author:
CRYSTAL
(lei946@yahoo.com)
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Subject:11 year old son still pooping in pants
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I have an 11 year old who still poops in his pants. He was diagnosed with ADHD at age 5 and that is how we found it. The doctor said children w/ ADHD cannot control their focus and attention but they can control their bowels so they poop or pee on themselves to feel like they "have control" over something. Not to mention the fact that he was bouncing off the walls, the floors and everything else. Once we got him on medication he leveled out and stopped but the last few months he has started again. But we are also in the process of adjusting his meds. I know alot of people including me don't want to have their child on medication but it was a last ditch effort and worked. The doctor told me to take my son as soon as he got home from school and give him a cup of apple cider, not apple juice. Then make him go sit on the toilet until he pooped. When I did my little 5 year old angel turned into the devil incarnate. He was so mad the he threw his shoe at me. The doctor said it was because I took away control of the one thing he had control over. Now his excuse is that he's afraid to poop in the toilet because he doesn't want to stop it up and get in trouble. We are working on that but the doctor found nothing physically wrong with him. I hope this helps somebody out there. I know it's not an answer most people want but it an an option to look into.
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Date: 1/9/2007 3:37:00 PM
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Author:
Kelly Lipham
(shopgirl7473@hotmail.com)
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Subject:potty training
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I have a 4.5 year old son and he pees in the potty fine but when it comes to pooping in the toilet he would rather sit on the floor and hide and poop in his underwear. I have tried making him wipe himself and clean up his underwear but he screams and has a fit he tells me that I have to clean it up because he knows that I will do it. He turns five in februrary and will start school this year. I need help I am very stressed out about it and dont know what else to do.Please help
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Date: 1/21/2007 3:37:00 PM
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Author:
barbara
(barbara32825@yahoo.com)
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Subject:poop his pants
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MY 13, SOON TO BE 14 POOPS HIS PANTS, I TOOK HIM TO THE DOCTOR ANDTHEY SAID HIS BOWELS ARE NORMAL AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG MEDICALLY, PLEASE HELP ME, TELL ME WHAT TO DO, I THROW HIS UNDERWARE AWAY AND BUY MORE AND MORE AND MORE.
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Date: 1/26/2007 5:40:00 AM
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Author:
Steve O
(steve@soprey.freeserve.co.uk)
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Subject:Teenager Soiling
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Hi Barbara.
Most people think that teenagers do not soil themselves, they're wrong. There is a percentage of children in their teens that have this problem (many more boys than girls). You don't give many details though, does he have friends? Is he involved in any clubs or after school activities? Does he lead a 'normal' lifestyle? Is this a problem at school, home or anywhere else? Are his bowel movements regular or irregular? It all makes a big difference when finding a solution to the problem. Write back.
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Date: 5/2/2007 4:19:00 AM
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Author:
chris
(disabilityhouse@aim.com)
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Subject:13 year old poops pants
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Hello barbara, get him protective . BSW
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Date: 1/22/2007 2:46:00 PM
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Author:
morgan
(morgandburnette@yahoo.com)
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Subject:my 8 year old still poops in his pants...
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My son turned 8 last month and I thought for sure he was the only kid to still got to the bathroom in his pants! It doesn't make it any easier, however, knowing we don't have that an usual problem as we thought. Our 8 year old refuses to use the toilet other than #1. He was diagnosed late last year with ADHD. His dad has IBS. My 8 year old has always had problems with his bowels, he's either constipated or has diarea. He can be very irregular. I am at wits end. We tried just about everything everyone has tried here on this site. I am totally stressed out. He has to bring an extra change of clothes to school. He has stopped doing it at school, however, he is doing it at home! Usually after eatting greasy foods like fries. I don't know what to do! How do I get my 8 year old son to use the toilet to poop in it? He has ruined so many pairs of underwear. We refuse to buy pullups of any kind. He has been wearing real underwear for atleast 2 years now yet he refuses to use the toilet to poop in. Can anyone help? I am going crazy!
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Date: 1/26/2007 6:13:00 AM
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Author:
Steve O P.Dip (psychol)
(steve@soprey.freeserve.co.uk)
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Subject:Soiling 8 year old
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Hi Morgan.
Boys of this age like to think they have control over things. If all else has failed then try this game with him.
This has been tried and tested with amazing results with scandinavian children.
Talk to him quietly and tell him he is under the control of the poop monster and he is entering a battle with the monster to win and defeat this poo monster.
The poo monster is making him do it and laughing at him behind his back (You will need a large colourful drawing of this monster with a BIG smile on his face - not too scary though, you don't want to frighten him)
This will show the monster is happy because he is winning by making him poop his pants. Use some real fighting talk and ask the boy if he's ready to battle this monster and gain control over him, tell him the monster is very stupid and weak and can easily be tricked. Every time you outwit the monster he gets weaker and weaker.
Set a date for the battle to begin, giving your son time to get enthusiastic and ready for it.
Everytime he feels like pooping his pants he should make believe he's going to his bedroom - then sneak into the bathroom and use the toilet - this will trick the monster and make him weaker.
If he does this successfully, heap praise on him and tell him how strong he is (another picture of the poop monster is required at this stage, straight faced with no smile, and faded in colour)
Fake letters are useful too at this stage, from someone or a TV or cartoon character that the child admires - telling him he is with him in the battle with the monster, and how pleased he is.
When he is using the toilet, give him a certificate/diploma to show achievement in taking control of the monster - again with a letter from his favourite character.
You will need another picture of the monster looking miserable and beaten, and disappearing. Remind the child that he needs to be on his guard at all times and must continue to trick the monster in order to stay in command. You need to support him all the way as you're in this together. Having ADHD will make it harder for him to stay focused - extra support may be needed. A mild drug can be obtained from doctor to help his concentration levels - usually ritalin or similar slow release medicines.
Try it - I've used it in children's homes with great success.
Good luck
Steve Oprey P.Dip (Psychol)
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Date: 6/22/2007 11:27:00 AM
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Author:
Lara
(LaraMcCully@gmail.com)
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Subject:This may help...
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Sorry, my other reply was sent before I was finished by mistake.
Like I said, from the age of about 4 (1974), I used to hold in my bowel movements. My parents just thought I was hiding to pass wind. I had been constipated since birth. My mother was too ill to breastfeed me and so I was put on a cow’s milk formula and I believe that to be the start of it all.
Anyway, I didn’t have a “soiling” problem because my stool was so hard that I had no soft stool in there to leak out when I held it in. I think once these children have a painful or uncomfortable BM, they begin to hold in their stool. As you keep holding it in, your feeling to go becomes less frequent and then more and more subtle. Soon, you only feel the need to go once a week and the urge becomes so weak that it’s easy and pleasant to hold it in. In fact, I remember actually beginning to really ENJOY the feeling of holding my stool inside me. It was normal to me.
When I was an adult, in my early 20’s, I had to have surgery unrelated to my bowel problem. I was told to lose as much weight as I could before my operation. I found a book called “Fit for Life” by Harvey and Marilyn Diamond. This is an old book from the 70’s I believe. I read it and it made sense to me as a diet. It was combining food properly, eating lots of raw fruits and veggies and cutting out dairy products and meat of you so desired. So, I went on it for a month. At the end of that month I was 30 pounds lighter, I had way more energy, I only needed 6 hours of sleep a night and low and behold my bowel problems were solved. I think the main factor was that I cut out constipating dairy products, meat which has no fibre and all regular breads, cereals and pasta. What else is there to eat? Whole grain breads, cereals and pastas, beans and lentils, and fruit and vegetables... all high fibre and non constipating.
I am 36 now and a single mom. I was married to a man who loved his meat and cheese and reverted back to the Standard American Diet (SAD). I have 2 children, which I brought up on that diet and now I am paying for it. My son soils his pants. He began when he was about 6 and is now 9 years old. I too have all the same frustrations and worries as those on this site.
I did solve my son's problem for an entire year. I will tell you what I did during that year. I started giving my son Metamucil. In it’s drink form it just tastes like tang so it was much easier than the lactalose or the mineral oil, which made him wretch. Soon his stool was so fibre filled that he couldn’t deny the feeling anymore. We had a year full of healthy BMs and no soiled underpants hidden throughout the house. Metamucil not only helps keep you regular, it keeps your cholesterol at healthy levels and the fibre acts as tiny sponges that clean your colon and absorb toxins from your body. (No, I don’t own stock in the company) Sadly, he has started holding it in again because his body has become used to the dosage of fibre and his diet is often not what it should be health wise.
I guess I am going to have to just suck it up and change our diet back to a healthy one, plus give him a double dose in order to bring back those strong feelings to go.
I'll keep you posted. Good luck.
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Date: 7/14/2007 3:05:00 PM
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Author:
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Subject:Buy your son pull-ups, goodnights, or di...
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Buy your son pull-ups, goodnights, or diapers and use them on him! It will save his cloth from getting recked! Its the only answer and the best one too!
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Date: 2/11/2007 6:06:00 PM
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Author:
Mom going crazy
(jcandc@comcast.net)
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Subject:poop
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I have a 7 yr old daughter who continuously choses to poop in her pants. She has had problems in the past with urinary infections. I used to blame that for her other issue, but it has gotten the best of me and now I don't know what to do. I have taken away stuff, rewarded her, given her extra attention and she thanks me with crap in her pants. What will make this stop? According to the allergist she has no allergies.
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Date: 2/21/2007 6:15:00 PM
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Author:
Stacy
(stacy_eddie@hotmail.com)
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Subject:11 year old pooping in
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Hello. I have a son who has been doing this for 2 summers now and this last summer just kept going into the school year. Went to the doctor, who sent us to a spe t and gave him powered medicine. Which I found out that my mother-in-law was also taking because she has/had the same problem. So, I finally went to GNC to get fiber powder. This seemed to work. I thought the problem was fixed. This I noticed the smell again, well the problem came back. We are going to start taking the fiber powder every other day to see if this will help. I will keep you posted if this works. I am glad I'm not the only one worried about this pooping problems. The thing is nasty. Hate to wash them but I'm NOT going out buying new for hims to continue with this. Stacy
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Date: 3/17/2007 9:40:00 AM
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Author:
Rachael
(Kajonangel@aol.com)
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Subject:Whats wrong with my 7 yr old... Is Poopin in his pants NORMAL?
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Ok my step-son will make 7 yrs old in July and I just wanted to know if its normal for him to poop on himself at least 2-5 times a week... I have been in his life since he was 5 yrs old. And I am the only Woman figure hes ever had in his life. He listens to me pretty good now that he knows that hes not gonna run me off or anything... We get along really good, he still has a problem with showing me any kind of effection but that will come when hes ready I am guessing... Anyways, I also have other children... I have a 4 yr old daughter and a 1 yr old and one on the way due any day now... And I told him today that b/c he cant seem to go potty in the toilet like everybody else does that I was gonna buy some pull ups and start re potty training him... Anyways, let me know what I should do... PLEASE ME AND HIS DADDY NEED ALL THE HELP AND IDEAS WE CAN GET......
Thanks, Rachael
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Date: 4/12/2007 6:50:00 AM
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Author:
Bryan
(BryanGoike@kentisd.org)
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Subject:Soiling accidents in older Children
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http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/encopresis.html
My son has been diagnosed with encopresis. It has nothing to do with toilet training or being lazy. I recommend anyone who is frustrated with feces accidents to follow the above link and/or discuss this with their peditrician.
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Date: 4/24/2007 9:43:00 PM
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Author:
Kelli
(k_jo14@hotmail.com)
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Subject:Worried Sick!
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My almost 6 year old nephew has started pooping then smearing on the walls. He knows he has to go because he goes to the bathroom but instead of using the toilet he'll smear it everywhere. Just the other day he was at my mothers house and he went to the restroom. She said that she noticed he had been in there a little longer than what she thought he needed so she checked on him and found that he had been smearing it on the sink, walls, tub, everywhere! To my knowledge he is regular and I don't think he does this at school. He also has other problems with violence. He is a bully and often get violent with his mother. He is on medication for adhd and they believe he may be bipolar and schizophrenic but he won't be able to be test until he turns 6. I am really worried about him, he used to be such a sweet, happy boy but it seems as he gets older he gets more violent and disrespectful. If anyone has any info on what might cause all of these symptoms or what may help please let me know.
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Date: 5/14/2007 2:14:00 PM
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Author:
grneyes
(grneyesamyz@aol.com)
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Subject:soiling in pants....
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Having worked with abused children I know children who are ually abused often act out by soiling themselves. No one ever wants to hear that, as a parent, but I think it is an avenue that needs explored.
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Date: 6/29/2007 11:41:00 PM
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Author:
Evelyn Hayes
(Eviesboyz@yahoo.com)
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Subject:9 year old pooping pants
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Wow, I didnt realize that there was so many people out there with the same problem that I have. My Son will be 9 on Sunday ! (July 1st). For a pre-birthday present I got him a package of Depends... I felt horrible as a mother. I have 3 children, all boyz and he is the only one with the problem. Now we have taken him to get checked by a " " dr. to exam his bowels...FINE .... He has had every psychological test known to man..... FINE.... and he has been in counciling for almost 9 months..... I am at my wits end ! If anyone has any suggestions... Please email me.... I have the same problem that most of you do...I have tried everything, and nothing is working and every road leads to a block...GRRR..... Please Help ..... Eviesboyz@yahoo.com
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Date: 7/6/2007 7:31:00 PM
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Author:
Dotty
(dj.alexander@verizon.net)
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Subject:9 year old
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Hi
I made a post previously to another mom who had the same problem. Maybe you can find it...anyway have your doctor check out something called encopresis. My son was diagnosed with this when he was 9. We felt very badly -- all those years we tried everything -- punishing him, rewarding him...all to find out it was not really his fault.
check it out.
Hope it helps.
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Date: 8/31/2007 11:49:00 AM
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Author:
Cindy Shogren
(cshogren@postville.k12.ia.us)
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Subject:pooping in the pants
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If you have not had a doctor who is a ped. gastrologist check him out please demand a refferal have had a year and an half of son having poop in pants. When he had become so constipated that it would leak around and soil his pants. They put him on Miralax twice an day and we are on the road to recovery this is not an uncommon happening with both boys and girls.
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Date: 7/3/2007 6:37:00 AM
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Author:
Eve Hosgood
(kitkatpeanut@hotmail.co.uk)
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Subject:Poo In Pants
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My son will be 5 on July 28th. He will wee in the toilet fine, yet will poo in his pants. When he does this he will go in the bathroom and try to put the poo from his pants down the loo! He will also hide it around the house, he is regular, and not hard.
He does have 'Borderline' ADHD
Does anyone else have a child that does this when they poo pants?
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Date: 7/23/2007 12:11:00 PM
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Author:
Dori
(diamondori@hotmail.com)
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Subject:4 1/2 daughter pooping pants at Daycare
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My daughter has been potty trained for almost a year now and since her "Summer Vacation" has started and she has been at daycare full time she has started pooping in her pants every day at Daycare. When I ask her each day why? she tells me that she likes to. What do we do? We have started a behavioral chart and make it through the weekends without any accidents. Help.
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Date: 10/7/2007 3:59:00 PM
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